If you’re a capable woman accustomed to getting things done it can be frustrating when things work differently in the bedroom. Many women with high levels of responsibility struggle to shut down their internal dialogue. They don’t become absorbed in the sex that they are having because their attention is busy elsewhere. It’s wonderful to be a goal oriented, successful woman, and yet when you approach sex that way you are missing the point and the pleasure. Sex is not about getting the job done or doing things ‘right’ — so forget about getting somewhere. It’s not about you DOING anything (for once), but rather an opportunity for you to feel, not to do. Turn off your thinking mind and feel. Receive pleasure and let it take you to new places.
In the middle of having sex, you can pause your busy thoughts. It is possible. You can take your attention away from the non-sexual thoughts and focus your attention on what you are physically feeling. If you do this you will have far more exciting and captivating sex. It may not be easy at first to keep your attention on your sensations or in the current moment. You may be wondering if you are going to have an orgasm, or you may be fretting about your body, but it is worth the effort. When your body is joined with your partner’s, yet your mental focus is miles away from the action, those sensations of heightened arousal, of merging and timelessness don’t happen. Magical moments occur when both your body and mind are present and in the same space with your partner.
Erotic thoughts can be helpful in getting you turned on — it is the mundane and distracting ones we don’t want circling. When you’re having trouble leaving the mundane thoughts behind your to-do list has only one thing on it: take your attention away from your mind and put it in your body. Think of your attention as a thing that you can move around and then move it. Take your attention and put it where the action is. Put it inside your vagina and on your clitoris. Put it on your skin and on your breasts. If you find it wandering away from the action, invite or pull your attention back to your body again. You will immediately feel more arousal or sexual tension when you do this. It is surprising how quickly your arousal will increase when your attention is on the sensations you are feeling and not with your circling thoughts.
If you want support to keep your attention on your body’s sensations, download my audio exercise and use that to help change your attention habit. It is available here.
Two arousal speeds exist in your bedroom, yours and your partner’s. Most of the time you both want to end up highly turned on. In my practice 90% of the time it is the woman’s arousal that is lagging behind the man’s. He gets aroused faster and he and she are trying to get her to catch up. If you want to be aroused more fully, keep your focus on your own body and your physical feelings of pleasure. Even if you are doing actions that increase your partner’s arousal — keep your attention registering your own body’s sensations of pleasure.
This body mind connection is crucial to having bedroom experiences that rock your world.