Are you an alive sensual feminine being who has a yes for pleasure, and wants to have a great bedroom experience with your partner? Then design your bedroom to be a great space for a romantic and sexual encounter. No kidding – intending your bedroom space to be sensually great for you makes a difference to your sex life. This is even more true in long term relationships.
Make the bedroom a place that turns you on – a room that reminds you to feel your sensuality as soon as you walk into it. Declare this room to be only about the sensual wonder and magic that is possible between your partner and you. Even if you’re not feeling that magic in the relationship yet, make the room feel and appear as if you are.
Create the Environment That Invites the Sexual You to Show Up
Imagine a room decorated to match the sex life that you want to have. You can create this by the use of textures, colors, lighting, and accessories. Start by selecting a theme that makes you feel tender, open, and excited. If exotic places create interest for you, include elements of exotic décor. If a romantic style is what revs you up, create that. If clean lines and simple surroundings make you feel most open for love, then keep the room décor
A quick Google search of exotic, romantic, or contemporary bedrooms will yield endless decorating ideas that you can use to ignite your style of romance. I am not an interior decorator, so I either use pictures of what others have created or ask my décor savvy friends to come over and help me. You may want to ask your friends too. After you explore and recognize which theme works for you, put your plan into action.
The décor should draw your eye to the bed and should elicit the idea of sex or sleep. Nothing else. The bedroom is not a home office, a laundry-sorting station, or a TV room.
Even if the kids still sleep in your room at times, your kids’ stuff, including family pictures, should be placed elsewhere. This is an adult space. It’s your play area. The bedroom needs to reflect an intimate, safe place where you can temporarily step out of the “mom” mindset. The other rooms in the house can be family rooms.
Get rid of everything that is not linked with either intimacy or rest. Be ruthless!
Textures: Use fabrics that invite you to want to touch them. Create a “want to stay a while” atmosphere by adding layers of silk, faux furs, mohair, cashmere, fine linens, and other soft, velvety cottons. Make it a sensual playground.
Colors: The colors of the sheets, bedspreads, walls, and pillows should compliment your eyes, hair, and skin. You are the beauty in the room. Showcase yourself at your sensuous best!
If you don’t know what your best colors are, you can hire a color expert who can advise you or go to the bookstore and find a reference. 1
Lighting: Most women agree that bright light will dampen a sultry mood faster than things disappear when you hit delete on the keyboard. Replace harsh white light bulbs with soft pink ones. If you can, add a dimmer switch. Use candles too. The flickering of candlelight can add to the feel of romance in the room and provide a gorgeous forgiving glow to your skin. If you’re worried about burning down the house, there are many electronic candles on the market that can mimic the same effect. If you want to really shake things up, occasionally introduce strobe lights and/or black lights to the mix.
Accessorize: Add framed, romantic, or sensual pictures of the two of you together to remind you of what this room is about. Add accents of curved vases, sculptures, or other shapes that suggests a sensuous body.
If you like music, collect songs or albums on your iPod or CD player that make you feel sexy. If you have yet to compile a collection of songs that get you in the mood, start listening to music with this question in mind, “What songs make me feel sensually alive and excited?” Create a way in which you can quickly access and play those songs when the mood strikes.
Couples that take the time to set the mood through lighting a candle and playing music have been shown to be the couples that have more passion and satisfaction in their sexual relationships over time.
Make sure to delight all of your senses. Sensual smells can be provocative, and using scented candles or essential oil diffusers can add to your relaxation and arousal. Essential oils that are used to increase arousal include jasmine, cinnamon, ginger, rose, vanilla, patchouli, and ylang-ylang. You probably won’t like all of them, so try several to see which ones turn you on.
If you use oils, lubricants, contraceptives, or other devices, find an easy-access and aesthetic way to store them. Also, include benches, stools, and cushions in the furnishings. They can facilitate different activities and positions. You also may place mirrors in strategic places for visual stimulation.You don’t have to spend a lot of money. You can find many of these items at popular discount stores.
You’ll know your room is ready when you can answer these three questions with an
- Is your bedroom a place that looks like it is ready for a romantic and sexual
- Does it inspire you to feel sensually activated?
- Does the décor accent your beauty, your skin tone, eye color, and hair color?
Claiming your bedroom as a special place to enjoy your sex life is a concrete way to declare that your sex life has your attention, and that it is important. Committing to this one change, creating an inviting sensual bedroom space creates a ripple effect that can be bigger than expected.
If your lovemaking space delights your senses, you are much more likely to show up in it with all your senses ready to be delighted. Remember, surrounding yourself with what’s arousing and interesting to you is central to having a great sex life.
Reference: Carla Mason Mathis and Helen Villa Connor, The Triumph of Individual Style: A Guide to Dressing Your Body, Your Beauty, Your Self (New York: Fairchild Publications, 2002), 112-153.
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